Cinco Psychology
Cinco Psychology

On holidays like Cinco De Mayo, I find there are SIX kinds of people. Here's my dramatic exaggeration of the psychological types.


This person is a danger to us all.  They love ANY reason to party but they don't concern themselves with "THE WHY" of any holiday.  It doesn't matter! They want to get DrUnK ToNiGhT!  They have magical FUN power!  When you're with them, you go against your best judgement.  Forget your 5:00 AM alarm tomorrow!  You will have SO much fun together TONIGHT!   They're our little shoulder devils in all of life's scenarios.  You need boundaries with them but damnit you're under their spell.  This person identifies with Nick from New Girl.


Those who post about a holiday and pretend to care but definitely don't.  Every time someone says, "Happy Cinco De Mayo," they say it back but don't mean it.  They want to be liked and don't dislike playing-along ENOUGH to stop.  This entire day will feel like a living lie.  They'll be glad when it's over because they'll be able to go back to being something else you'll approve of tomorrow.  You don't really KNOW them.  This person hates wearing bras and pants but does it anyway because we have to...


Those who watch others celebrate and judge them all for being happy.  They don't actually think they are better than you (although YOU think that's what THEY think). They're just masking their unhappiness with judgement  because they aren't ready to "do the work" on themselves. Your audacity to be happy is a mirror...they don't like what they see in themselves.  Good news...these bingholes want to be happy.  The just don't feel brave enough yet.  This person’s favorite movie is ET.  They watch it alone because they love the triumph and tears.  Their Mom needs to tell them she loves them...


They want to tell you why this holiday is bullshark and that Sept. 16th is REALLY the day to celebrate. #Independence  

They need you to know they're smarter than you because they're afraid of rejection.  They feed on the sensation of self-righteousness and look forward to arguing in the comments. This person is hates coffee and ONLY drinks green tea.  


They have no idea today is a holiday.  They have social media but haven't updated their profile picture since 2012.  This person very likely has drives a Subaru with ZERO bumper stickers.  


They ONLY post online tomorrow to tell you what they did last night INSTEAD of partying because they hustle and you work for "the man".  They love Gary Vee and think Bill Gates is a chump.

I love all you crazy people.  Which are you?  Which type did I miss?